Offense Doesn't Have to Be Offensive

I find myself more frequently facilitating or being involved in discussions that are challenging because of choices individuals are making.  I rarely find that ...

Talking more loudly results in more listening;
Repeating your points elicits a different response;
Sighing indignantly ignites agreement; or
Interrupting others gets their attention.

While a monologue can make an enjoyable night of theatre, it isn't the best way to have great conversation.  We need more dialogue, the four tenets of which were outlined so concisely by William Isaacs in his book, Dialogue: The Art of Thinking Together.

Listening: “To listen together is to learn to be a part of a larger whole—the voice and meaning emerging not only from me, but from all of us.”

Respecting: “An atmosphere of respect encourages people to look for the sense in what others are saying and thinking. To respect is to listen for the coherence in others’ views, even when we find what they are saying unacceptable.”

Suspending: “Suspension means that we neither suppress what we think nor advocate it with unilateral conviction. … We simply acknowledge and observe our thoughts and feelings as they arise without
feeling compelled to act on them.”

Voicing: “Speaking our voice has to do with revealing what is true for each of us, regardless of all the other influences that might be brought to bear on us.”

We live in a world where the answers to our challenges increasingly are not obvious.  Thinking better together requires that we slow down our conversations in order to let different perspectives be respectfully voiced and thoughtfully considered.  Only then might our listening lead to learning.

Quotes from “The Art of Dialogic Leadership”, by William Isaacs, The Systems Thinker, February 1999

Facilitation Friday: What would make the conversation more compelling?

Whether it be a staff meeting or an annual meeting, you know there will be a whole lot of talking going on.  But quantity does not equal quality and in our time-starved world, ensuring conversation is compelling is critical.  So what makes a conversation one that causes you to sit up, lean forward, eager to participate?

The people

Good perspectives.  Good thinkers.  Good energy.  That's what comes to mind when I think of the people I'd willing converse with on just about any topic.  I know spending time with them, regardless of what we're talking about, will be a worthwhile investment of my time and energy.  When planning meetings we need to convene conversations (and help participants do so) that allow individuals to easily connect with the people they find compelling ... because it will make their conversation more compelling.

For staff or team meetings, this means allowing smaller sets of individuals to convene, connect, and converse and then integrate their thinking with that form other small groups.  For conferences this means making it easy for participants to find their desired conversation partners and then providing ample informal spaces where they can talk.

The topic

Even the most interesting participants can fall into routine thinking, so framing the topic in a compelling way may be required for the conversation itself to be compelling.  This can be accomplished by:

Forcing participants to examine a question through new lenses.  Give them a provocative quote or innovative example from another source and have them discuss its implications and applications for the topic at hand.  TED Talks can be a great source for quick inspiration from big thinkers.

Crafting better questions that will unearth new thinking.  This can be as simple as shifting the orientation of a questions.  Instead of answering "how can we get more people to attend our programs?" spend time exploring "Where are there already a lot of people and how could we bring our programs to them?"  Use language that challenges existing norms or requires looking at an issue from a new angle.

Applying personas to the problem under consideration.  Marketing firms, television execs, and others create personas or detailed profiles representing the different demographics they are trying to reach.  Paula is a 40-year old divorced mother of two living in a New Urban townhouse on the outskirts of a major city. They then examine ideas under consideration from the perspective of this persona:  why would Paula watch this show, buy this product? We can do the same in our own conversations, adopting the persona of a member or stakeholder and exploring how they would respond to the program or service being discussed.

Changing how and where the conversations occur.  If you need fresh thinking, you might need a fresh space or a fresh process for producing it.  Sameness begets sameness.  Have a conversation field trip and go a new site that will cause people to engage differently.  Or make the time a Walk and Talk with small groups of individuals walking and talking about an assigned topic or question and then reporting back to the large group.  Research shows our brain engages differently when our body is involved in nominal activity.

The output

I believe that the process often is the product, but I also appreciate that many people need to feel a sense of accomplishment beyond "just talk."  Creating time for conference participants to reflect on conversations and identify actions they will take and offering a follow-up accountability check-in is one way to meet this need.  If you attended a summer leadership workshop as a student, you may have addressed a letter to yourself that the workshop leaders mailed many months later to refresh the energy and inspiration you had "in the moment."

At conferences some content stays at a somewhat general level because of the diversity of the audience.  As a result the conversation is not going to be completely compelling because it isn't specific enough.  Create opportunities for individuals to gather with like-minded colleagues and discuss the "so what?  now what?" connections of the more general ideas to which they have been exposed: i.e., after a general session offer breakouts where individuals with the same job functions can gather and converse.

Dwelling longer in possibilities, not probabilities.  In his book The Design of Business, author Roger Martin talks about how some innovative ideas can't necessarily be initially supported by data.  Turning our conversation too quickly to what we know will work means we will resort to thinking anchored in the past and present as opposed to what might be possible in the future.  Having facilitation or an agenda that hols people in "What if?" thinking is required for compelling conversation.

Reviewing group decisions and next steps at the end of a team meeting helps fuel a sense of accomplishment as does identifying simple strategies for keeping the conversation alive:  adding a few questions to your team discussion boards, posting them on flipchart paper in the break area where additional ideas can be shared, generating a mantra that can inform your mission and the daily actions in which individual engage, or the formal leadership refreshing the conversations regularly in their interactions with others.


Note:  Facilitation Friday is a periodic feature offering an in-depth exploration of a core issue related to designing great meetings and conferences.  This is the second in the series.  Previous posts can be found here:


What would make the community more connected?

Facilitation Friday: What would make the community more connected?

Meeting design and facilitation should help create and enhance the connectedness and community among participants.  This is as true for annual conferences involving thousands of attendees as it is for a committee or staff meeting with only a handful of participants.

People often say community involves:

• a shared goal or common purpose
• a challenge or crisis that unite people to act
• respect and appreciation for others
• agreed-upon standards for group activity
• a commitment to work with others
• a common set of beliefs or values

Facilitators help groups explore these characteristics and surface the individual perspectives necessary for the group to develop its own cohesiveness.  Questions are the core of this work:   (1) Who is here?  (2) Why have we chosen to come together?  (3) How do we want to be with each other?  (4) What do we want to create/achieve?  (5) How shall we approach this work and how will you contribute?

When the group experiences challenges, we should invite them to return to their original responses to these questions as guidance for whatever issues need to be resolved.  In short, we help the group become more connected to itself … its reason for being and its way of being.  It is tempting to try and fast-track resolution of these questions or to use a flashy technique or exercise to bypass the hard work of discussing what to some will seem too touchy-feely.  Doing so is misguided, as this work of "identity development" is critical to community and connectedness.

Conference and meeting design should reflect and support the possible answers that individual attendees might offer for these same questions:  (1) the demographics and lenses of participants, (2) their motivations for attending the event, (3) the rituals and rhythms and brand qualities for conference activity, (4) the learning outcomes for the experience, and the (5) formats and flows that will make it possible.  Every choice a conference planner makes can then be filtered through the various possible responses.   How will lunch be served?  Banquet-style?  Plated?  Boxed and carried out?  Family-style?  

Any choice made should be intentional and tied not only to logistics, but to how it can connect the community.  You talk to people while standing in line for banquet service, and a banquet with different stations can cause you to connect with more people.  Family-style meal service connects people at banquet rounds in ways that plated service will not.  Boxed lunches can support informal conversations among self-selected groups. Which option best supports the overall desired experience of (and for) the community?

Convening people is a necessary, but insufficient contribution to the development of community.  We must do more.  When designing or facilitating a meeting, workshop, or conference, every choice holds possibilities for creating the conditions that lead to more connectedness and community among those attending.  Every.  Single.  Choice.  As a result, we must be more intentional about our options and more vigilant in our execution.